Self-Quarantine Sensor Now Sold by Alarm GridBy Michael Goris
We are living in some tough and trying times right now. While we wait for this once in a lifetime global pandemic to pass, we know that many people out there are in self-quarantine and must remain isolated at all times. We now have the perfect sensor for those practicing social-distancing.
The Stay Quarantined Indoors (SQUID) Sensor is a wireless social-distancing sensor that easily enrolls with your security system. You will immediately notice the difference once you have this device in your life. The SQUID will trigger an emergency alarm as soon as you Arm Away. The logic here is that you are under quarantine, and you should not be leaving your property for any reason. This makes Arming Away a taboo task that should not be completed for any reason whatsoever. Upon Arming Away, the system will recognize that you are trying to leave and take appropriate action. All of your Z-Wave locks will become secured to prevent you from leaving, and an audible siren will occur if you fault an Entry/Exit Zone Please do not be confused - you are in quarantine. This is for your own good. The sensor is doing this because it cares.
The SQUID responds differently when your system is Armed Stay. While in this mode, the sensor will keep track of the number of people in the building. If at any point there are ten (10) or more people present, the sensor will trigger a special Quarantine Alarm. A loud audible annunciation will be made telling some people to leave based on recommended health guidelines. Similar action will be taken if you are within six (6) feet of another person at any time. Each person's body heat signature must be kept away from other energy sources. Or else a really loud siren will activate, and everyone will be unhappy.
We are also very proud to say that the the SQUID takes full advantage of its own useful Response Type called LOCKDOWN. This unique Response Type stops any and all people from coming onto your property. In the event that anyone does manage to step foot into your isolation area, they will be placed into isolation for a 2-week self-quarantine. Any surfaces they touch will be disinfected using an appropriate sanitizer, which is applied by the SQUID inking its sanitizer fluids all over your house . We have bundled a bottle of Alarm Grid hand sanitizer with every SQUID sensor. Don't take this lightly, as hand sanitizer is basically the equivalent of liquid gold in today's society. The sensor has a bottom slot where you can insert a nozzle and squirt more hand sanitizer to keep it clean. Keep your SQUID working properly by feeding it more sanitizer every day.
We understand that isolating yourself from everyone requires some serious perseverance and dedication. But by using our SQUID, you too can shut yourself out from society and entirely drop-out from existence like a true self-quarantine hero. You will feel good in knowing that you are doing the right thing by protecting yourself and those around you. We are offering both a SQUID-319 and a SQUID-345. Choose the correct version based on the system you are using. While the SQUID is not encrypted and cannot keep out hackers, it can keep out your friends and family who only exist to make you sick. For the record, we did want to release a PowerG SQUID, but its range was just too far for true isolation. Seriously, a 2 kilometer range? That's not social-distancing. No way.
Remember, sitting alone in your house with no connection to the outside world is the best way to stay safe. Remain at home with your SQUID, and keep your friends and family away. They will only hurt you by potentially bringing viruses into your safe and clean environment. So stock up on essentials like bottled water, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and SQUID Sensors. We at Alarm Grid are here to keep you safe. You can count on us. Unlike traditional monitoring companies, we don't send people into your homes and businesses. We only send you comforting things, like security systems, sensors, and stickers.
Please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions about the Alarm Grid SQUID or any of our other products or monitoring services. And like always, our technical support hours run from 9am to 8pm ET M-F. We hope you have a Happy April 1st (April Fool's Day), and we look forward to hearing from you soon.